Monday, May 13, 2013

Sad, lost and jealous. How to solve issues. Set goals.

Howdy everyone?

Hope you're doing greater than me! I'm having one of those days when I look at my neighbor and think ''Wow, his grass his actually much more greener than mine''. And then I got sad because I don't know what to do which put me through a lost phase and then I get envious and jealous. Which all of those feelings make you feel bad and negative. I have big plans and I am not whiling to give up yet. The road to the gold is long but if you enjoy the ride the time will fly. I sure need to do the baby-steps before even trying one real step forward. It's obvious that you need pillars to sustain the castle, right? Anyways, my point made, this is how I will, slowly but surely, get to my goals. Maybe it will take more times than what I first thought, but isn't there a poem or something about things that take more times are the best and blablabla?

First thing first; I am sad about my bedroom. I live in a wardrobe like Harry Potter. My room is that small, I need to give my furniture because I can't deal with it anymore.

Well, I thought I should do a little make over to my room. I ended up with too many furniture -don't ask me why, long story- and now I have to get rid of some... which means that I have to live in the crappiest room for 2 weeks because the goodwill staff won't come take the furniture until Thursday only. And now just to prove me how shitty this is, I look at some cool-awesome-pretty-perfect room on Tumblr. Because I am a little SM and I can't afford these kind of bedoom for now, I just like to feel the knife in my wounds. I am thrill, really. *sarcasm involved*.

And then, I work like crazy and spend most of my time either sleeping or working SO at the end, I didn't ''enjoy'' the messy room because I was too busy. Lesson learned. If you're currently living in a crap zone, don't cry! Work harder so you'll just sleep and with your eyes closed, well there's no more eye's pain! The extra money will be good for the room make over as well; 2in1!

What else am I struggling with? Oh yeah, how can I forget? My shitty Mac Book's camera and my shitty videos! If I want to do videos on YouTube I need to get myself a decent one. I will not pay 1000$ for a camera, like I have some places to go if I can afford a 1 000$ camera. But I sure can think of a little 300$ well invests. Again, when I do my videos I am quite proud and then I watch other YouTubers and what a buzz kill, I'm down and all I think about is having the perfect camera and the perfect language. I talk so slow and I'm super boring, I am now aware of that fact, things will change.

So, I decided that I will put a little amount every payday so in a month or so I could buy myself a decent camera. But you know, the camera doesn't do the job. I will not make people watch my videos and subscribe because I'm in HD. That's bullshit so I watch and re watch my videos.

Damn, it's so bad. How come have I put them online? Was I high? Anyways, I took notes while watching myself being super awkward. I said I took notes! I noticed how unprepared I was, because I was so out of words and breathless, stressing the shit out. 

I told my inner self to calm the hell down. So what? I did some shitty videos, who cares? There's like 90 views, I will survive. What I will not survive is putting effort into something that will never come. Here's come the notebook. I wrote everything down. It will be like a script so I will be more prepared and don't forget that practice makes you perfect! Lesson learned; be kind to yourself and analyze the situation before any move!

What's next on my depress list? Oh yeah, most important thing of all time, well for now it is - SCHOOL. I am trying to get in a fashion school which is super cool but it will not be cool if I'm not in, right? I need to focus on school, I need to pass my exams and to do the best I can so I could get in! AND of course this awesome school is 2 hours away from my home.

Let's the real life begin. I always thought I'd be the first kid of the house to move out but I never thought I'd be 19. But if I'm in, I'll need to move out which means ; living in the subway station... or not. I need to find the perfect place and by perfect I mean closest, cheapest and safest. Big city dream. I don't wanna get rape by a roommate or something you know. I need to prepare myself for the big day and I need to be wise in every single steps I take! So, this is quite a big step for myself!

This is not a problem but it could be. If I don't put my money/time in my priorities, if I don't concentrate on exams and stuff, well it might all get away fast! You never know, don't take things for granted, you might be disappointed since life isn't fair and well, you know... Do your best, and if you're doing it you can achieve ANYTHING.

Another thing I have on my mind these past few days is my Blog. I see ghost people reading my blog and maybe I don't have followers and I am after all pretty boring, I don't really mind, someday some people will like my style and be the same kind of person as I am! And I don't blame people for being ''normal for you'' because I know I can be weird and dork from time to time, BUT this is me and this is something I ain't gonna change for the simplest reason ; this is my personality!

I may be a shopaholic but I am also a workaholic. I do things and I don't give up until it's 110% perfect. I don't know a single thing about... blog things. I mean how to edit your blog and make it look professional and stuff. I found my back ground on google and I did my banner and stuff but this isn't like a pro blog. I want something more professional. I'm reading many many blogs and when I was done with editing my blog, at first I was really proud of myself but again, I saw the grass greener at my neighbors. Oh hi neighbor! How are you today? Great? Oh, sweet, I love your green sparkling grass!

Oh yeah I know my yard is a piece of yellowish bad weeds. Whatever, I'm aware I will need help to built my blog. So, all of you, with awesome, perfect, pretty blogs, ohhh you bug me, I just want one too!  I just want a cool desk and I know, I'm quite demanding. I need to work hard. So, I'm keeping my faith! *Cross fingers* 

OK so last thing because I'm getting boring by crying over my stuff, I just miss the old me, dating guys and stuff. Since I started to work full time and the little amount of time I got was either seeing friends and family or sleeping well... I kinda got no life without realising it. I used to party like, a whole lot, I don't want to get drunk every Fridays, I just miss dating guys and being like. I don't know, you tell me the good word for that weird feel! It's like every one's not my type. And that's why I blame Chace Crawford and Ian Somerhalder! SEE, I live in a small town, there's no way I can find any men my type! I don't do clubs like I used too -amen- and this is great I mean, old habits die hard, I need to get over my majority, 18 Canadian girl whouhou, and I don't know, seems like I know every places... So, I just need to meet people and make new friends, date and do amazing and cool stuff. I'm quite lonely with my series and my shitty bedroom. ha-ha. Well, I'm looking forward summer 2013.


I hope everyone is having a really nice time, and I hope you guys will have everything you're dreaming of, because if you're reading this, I love you and you're cool! Don't forget to comment and subscribe! Tell me what's your main goals for 2013!

See you very soon ! xx


PS: OMG, Ryan Gosling is asdfghjkl;

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